Monday, June 8, 2009
Gift - ArtDeco Eyeshadow Base - An Open Letter
Dear Too Faced Shadow Insurance (TFSI) & Urban Decay Primer Potion (UDPP):
I have moved on.
I have found a new love and nothing you do can make me stray. No fancy wand or squeeze green tube will make me change my mind. I am leaving you. I want all my records back and the keys to the apartment. When you finally move out, you will not gat your security deposit back.
First let me start with the why’s of why I’m leaving you.
UDPP – Your packaging design is frightful. You hold so much back. When I finally think you are empty, I discover you can fill up a 5 gram sample jar. Tsk. Tsk. Oh and your new “clever” angled wand is not going to cut it. You know, and I know you hold back tons of product. I end up spending more money on a new one of you when I don’t need to.
TFSI – Let’s face it. You just aren’t together. You are always separating on me. I have to squeeze your tube to mix you up before I dispense you, and when I do I always end up getting more of you than I need per application. Sure the squeeze tube is a good idea but you are inconsistent, always separating when I least need you to and heck, why are you separating in the first place? You need to work on keeping yourself together.
To both of you. – Your performance is not really up to par. Sure thousands of women have lauded your performance but when it comes down to it. I have found a much better lover. One that is consistent, easy to apply and actually performs better than both of you combined. Sorry, but I’m just not that into you.
I’d like you to know who is replacing you.
ArtDeco eye shadow base.
ArtDeco is your foreign Counterpart. A King from the European Union. A successful replacement from The Fatherland, A. K. A. Germany.
ArtDeco is small in stature at a mere 5 ml / 0.16 fl oz per unit, but the amount needed per use is miniscule. Measuring only one inch high and one inch wide, what it lacks in size, is made up in performance.
Sure, the method of application can be a bit chancy for germaphobes as ArtDeco presents it’s prowess in a pot versus a tube, but a clean concealer brush is a perfect companion and solution to application. Personally I use my clean fingers to apply. I take up a tiny amount on my ring finger and pat lightly on my eyelid. Its creamy consistency and sheer application make my most crease ridden of eye shadows act like they are magnetized to my eyes. ArtDeco has that “je ne sais quoi”, animal magnetism, hold, …to be blunt, it’s just plain awesome!
Almost 12 hours of even wear is the reward for using ArtDeco. After 8 hours, you, UDPP and TFSI, lose your effectiveness. I’m sorry, but I have needs, and 8 hours doesn’t cut it anymore.
ArtDeco used to act “hard to get” to us American gals. Why I had my Pimp, Alice, procured one for me. Mail order, if you like. But ArtDeco is branching out. ArtDeco is now for sale on the Home Shopping Network and though the HSN website. Not only that, my friend Kelly in Brighton, recently informed me that www.garden.co.uk delivers to the states. Now I have free range of ArtDeco’s luxurious, yet petite eye shadows and other makeup items…to include the eye shadow base. I have no idea what the shipping is, but I figure it’s a small price to pay for true love.
So there it is TFSI and UDPP. You are gone. I’m deleting all your texts, your phone numbers and hopefully my memories of you. It’s over, kaput, ancient history, done.
Please remember to take the hideous clock your mother gave us and that Tool Album is mine. I had it before we even met, so don’t even try to say it’s yours!
So long suckers!
A.K.A. Your Ex.