Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving


I want to wish you all Happy Thanksgiving! Even if you don't celebrate the holiday, it's nice to think about what you are thankful for and eat pie. I love pecan pie I think I'll have a slice.

In America Thanksgiving is the day we all sit down and honor the religious persecution, rape and pillaging of native aboriginal indigenous persons of North America, the slaughtering of inbred turkeys, the harvesting of yams, the only use for canned french fried onion rings, breaking bread with people you would rather see choke on a turkey leg than eat with, being relegated to the children's table because you don't have a spouse yet even though you're 30, and FOOTBALL! Well Football is actually good. I'll take that out of the equation.


What is even better than stuffing your face is the grotesque display of rabid consumerism that is displayed early the next morning. Black Friday is what they call it. It's called Black Friday because this is the time of year (and sometimes, the day) where stores that were "In The Red" (in a negative balance or a sales deficit) actually come "Into The Black" (show a profit and actually make money). Yes. many stores will open at 4AM some open at Midnight on Friday to allow greedy and tired little shoppers the best deal on whatever electronic device is "hot" at the moment. Being greedy and tired is not a good combination for shopping at 4 in the morning. Last year a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death when the doors opened at 4AM. Many people have received broken bones, gotten in fist fights, and even been shot in the wee hours of Black Friday and for what? A cheap DVD player? A GPS system? You never hear of people rushing the Chanel Counter at 4AM. Nope. That's because Chanel does not stoop to the cheap tricks and discounts of mega stores like Wal-mart and the like. You won't be trampled trying to buy Guerlain Holiday Meteorites at 4AM. You know why? Because the stores that sell them aren't open and they aren't on sale anyway.

Certain cosmetic companies might be having sales (called Friends and Family) during this time of year but the worst thing that could happen to you is that your Internet connect would be slow, since most of those sales are only on-line. The point of my rant? Well isn't it obvious? Buy makeup and perfume for the holidays, stay in your nice warm bed at 4AM on Black Friday and send those OTHER stores a message. "START SELLING EDWARD BESS AND PAUL & JOE COSMETICS AND GIVE THEM TO ME AS GIFTS FOR THE HOLIDAYS!"

7 comments:

  1. Amen, sister, hilarious as usual, and so true. Wishing you and yours a peaceful and grateful day.

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  2. I've done all my holiday shopping online for the past three years now and haven't looked back. I look forward to spending this evening with family, food and football...and to sleeping in on Black Friday. Happy Thanksgiving!

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  3. Another classic there Elvira!
    And at long last I find out what American Thanksgiving is all about...hilarious AND educational!
    Have a good one.
    Nina
    (Greek living in London)

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  4. ITA with everything!!! Especially the part about P&J. This Thanksgiving was especially special b/c I didn't screw anything up! Miraculous. xoxoox

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  5. Aw Elvira, I hope your Turkey Genocide Day was great!

    I did all my Black Friday shopping online - in fact, I didn't leave my apartment at all! I ordered my weight in DVDs =/

    and this commentary was brilliant, loves it!

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  6. I was in the US last year on Thanksgiving and I was at the mall at 4 AM on Black Friday because of jet lag. I was very surprised... and finally understood why people complain about holiday shopping! Online sales are much better!!

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