Friday, August 30, 2013

7 Ridiculous Beauty and Personal Care Items On the Internet

WTF? Beauty on
Infomercials are the bane of my existence. I avoid them like the plague. Why? Because I get sucked into the hype and start to believe what they are selling isn't just another bottle of snake oil, but the miracle cure I have been searching for. Fortunately It's usually late when I see these infomercials, and I'm too tired to get up and get my credit card to buy it. Plus calling a 1-800 number in the middle of the night is kinda sketchy.

I have collected 7 of the most ridiculous Beauty and Personal Care items I have come across on the Internet or via Infomercials!

WTF? Beauty on

1. The Nose Shower Gel Dispenser.
This item attaches to your shower wall and dispenses a green gel cleanser when you press the side of the nose.
Thanks to Christine from 15 minute beauty fanatic for alerting me to this abomination of showering. Of course, I found this for sale on Of course, I did. When I first saw this I screamed "ARE THEY FREAKIN KIDDING?" I mean, how gross can you get? Not only is this juvenile and crass, I bet the shower gel it comes with isn't any good anyway! And green shower gel? Does the Shower Nose have a sinus infection? Mucous should be clear, this stuff is green, which signals sinus infection to me. Not to mention that you are bathing in SNOT! Come on! And why is the nose Caucasian? Why not a Hispanic or African American nose? RACISTS!
WTF? Beauty on

2. The Pig on the Potty Soap Dispenser
This item sits on your bathroom sink and dispenses soap out of a pig's nose who happens to be sitting on a toilet reading a newspaper.
Another item I found whilst perusing There are so many things wrong with this item I don't know where to start. a) Newspapers are practically extinct. It would make more sense if he had a tablet computer or e-reader. b) Pigs do not shoot soap out of their nose, and if they did I doubt it would be very sanitary. Just another gross and crass item. I guess you could add it to the bathroom with the giant nose shower gel dispenser. And c) PIGS DON'T USE THE TOILET AND THEY CAN'T READ! Pigs live, root, and sleep in SH*T. They are filthy animals. The LAST thing I want to associate with personal cleansing is a freakin PIG taking a dump on a toilet!
WTF? Beauty on

3. Rejunenique
A face mask with electrified 26 gold-plated contacts to tone skin with light energy pulsation. Battery-operated, Knob adjusts pulsation intensity to suit individual preference, Mask adjusts to fit any face size, both male and female.
This horror show is brought to you by the makers of The Spanish Inquisition. "The Spanish Inquisition: Can you imagine what Bastards we would have been if we had electricity?!" 
WTF? Beauty on
OK. Maybe that is not the manufacturer of this device, but regardless of who made it, it looks like something straight out of Friday the 13th movie franchise. Maybe this was Jason's Mother's mask.  The idea of electrocuting my facial muscles all over is not my idea of a good time.  
WTF? Beauty on
They show pictures of women reading and lounging around while wearing this terrifying mask. I can't even imagine how much therapy I would have to pay for Darthypie if he saw me wearing this.
WTF? Beauty on

4. Fun Betty
Betty products are specially formulated to color the hair down there. Easy to use. Covers gray. Lasts about four-five weeks. No drip - no mess formula.
The "hair down there" sounds so much better than saying PUBIC HAIR, right? Let's see. If no one wants to TALK about pubic hair, the I would hazard a guess that no one wants to SEE pubic hair. Well the hot pink dye for pubic hair will do everything it can, to make sure you see it! I don't know what would be more shocking to one's partner when they pulled off their panties. Having gray pubic hair or bright neon pink pubic hair? I'm gonna go with the latter. WHY are we as a society so focused on pubic hair that not only do we have dyes for it, but we have stencils for shaving and a procedure called Vagazzaling...or Vajayazzling, I forget the correct spelling because I spent a concerted effort trying to forget I ever saw that such a thing exists. I'm just stoked I wrote pubic hair 8 times in this post!

WTF? Beauty on

5. Flowbee
The Flowbee is an electrically powered vacuum cleaner attachment made for cutting hair. The product is advertised as being capable of performing "hundreds of precision layered haircuts".
If you are at a point in your life where you cut your hair with a vacuum cleaner attachment, you might as well just start wearing sweat pants every day and start collecting cats. You have no hope whatsoever! You have given up on life. No amount of "Fun Betty pubic hair dye (That's 9 times) will give you that "Joie de Vivre" to bring you out of the deep, dark, horrifying funk you have gotten yourself into.  
A Shop-Vac and an attachment with a blade to cut hair is not what life is about. For cripes sake. Even The Hair Cuttery can't F*ck up your hair as bad as a flowbee!

WTF? Beauty on

6. PY Neckline Slimmer
A non surgical Neck Toning and Slimming System to tighten skin for a dramatic lift under the chin.
Basically, it's like calisthenics for your face. It's a spring loaded device which you rest on your chest and use your chin to compress and release the spring. Let me let you in on a little secret. The Majority of people with double chins are OVERWEIGHT! Overweight people will not benefit from "exercising" their neck muscles. They need to exercise ALL THE MUSCLES.  
The rest of the people with double chins? They either have one because of genetics, or because some douche doesn't know how to take a proper picture of you and you end up looking like you have a double chin, when you really don't. The worse thing. That same douche will probably tag that unflattering picture of you on FaceBook and all your friends will know your shame. Next time you go out in public you'll have to wear that Rejunenique mask, which isn't half as horrifying as that double chin you have when you hold your heard at an impossible angle while some douche is snapping a picture.

WTF? Beauty on

7. Jiahe Nose Up
This device is supposed to shape and lift your nose without the need for plastic surgery. It looks like a fancy schmancy clothespin. I'm not sure what's worse. The fact that this product looks like a fancy schmancy clothespin or the fact that so many have been sold and people actually USE it. The cartilage on your nose is slightly pliable. But putting a clip on it every day for the recommended 15 minutes a day is NOT, let me repeat, NOT going to permanently alter the appearance of your nose
WTF? Beauty on
 If you are unhappy with your nose it's because of 1 of three things. a) Society told you to be unhappy about it because your nose doesn't look like Grace Kelly's WASPy nose. b) Some jerk made fun of your nose in an attempt to draw attention away from the fact that he is dead on the inside, and the only way he can "feel" is by hurting others. Or c) Your nose is the size of Rhode Island, and you cannot breathe out of it. If your answer is C, that is the only reason to get plastic surgery on your nose. Otherwise, enjoy the little things that make you look different. We don't have to be clones, and we certainly do NOT need to wear purple padded clothes pins on our faces!

What Say You? Have you seen an invention aimed at the beauty/Personal care market that is completely ridiculous? Have you ever seen any of the 7 items I mentioned above? Your thoughts?

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Road Trip To DragonCon

As you are reading this On Thursday morning I am in a car hurtling towards Atlanta,GA!  I am attending my first ever DragonCon. A Sci-Fi/Fantasy convention with A LOT of people in costumes and more costumes and even more costumes.  I plan to attend a bunch of Special Effects Makeup classes while I'm at the Con, but we'll see how it all goes.  Check out my Twitter and Instagram accounts to see daily photos of my trip. I'll be sure to capture a few for a post on here later in the month of September.

Also, since I don't want to be inundated with SPAM and SPAM e-mail I am turning the captcha verification back on. Sorry to do this to you all. I know what a pain it is, but these spammers leave about 30 comments a day on this blog. While my host catches most of them, I still have to manually move some published comments to the SPAM comments folder. Since I can't keep up with all of those shenanigans while I'm at a Con, I'll turn it on for now, then turn it off once I return. MKay?

Since It's Thursday and I'm skipping the Thursday poll, let's do that Reverse Thursday Poll, where you as ME a question and I try to answer it in next week's Thursday Poll!

I await your questions with baited breath, a Sonic milkshake and Cheetos!

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Ineke Scent Library - Review, Pictures

I received one of the absolutely cutest fragrance sampler I have ever seen in my life. This is the fragrance sample, or should I say "Scent Library" from Ineke. I showed you the press release HERE. The Floral Curiosities is a limited edition collection of five fragrances that explore rare botanicals Ineke Ruhland grows in her very own garden in San Francisco. This Scent Library collection is packaged a faux book and in true Ineke fashion, is beautifully designed and thoughtfully merchandised. Library cards are attributed to each scent, and they provide an explanation about its contents while fine art and calligraphy continue the old library book theme. The attention to detail is excellent, and I feel like I am holding an antique book from a bygone era.

Normally, when receiving a variety of fragrances from a perfume house you aren't going to like every single one. It's like getting a Whitman's Sampler chocolate box. You aren't always going to like the milk chocolate covered red jelly, but wish there was more of the cream filled centers, right? Well the Ineke Scent Library is NOT like that at all. I can find merit in every one of the five fragrances in this set, even the ones that have my most hated fragrance, Patchouli! I admit that my introduction to Patchouli was from the Deadheads I met in college and their head shop low grade "patch" as they liked to call it. A muddy brown oil that smelled like B.O. and cannabis...kinda like the deadheads themselves. But I digress. The patchouli that Ineke uses is much, much, much better and refined. No head shop patch here!

The fragrances included on the Ineke Scent Library are:

Angel’s Trumpet (Brugmansia) Fresh and Opulent
Angel’s Trumpet is one of my favorite fragrances from this collection. It's light and refreshing. It opens with notes of honeydew melon, orange and leafy greens. Then it is warmed up by a slight hint of cinnamon leaf and allspice. During the drydown, the notes of cedar and white musk make their entrance keeping this floral from being too cloying and providing just the right balance.

Briar Rose (Rosa Rubiginosa) Rose Soliflore
The wild rose is finally given it's well earned respect in this fragrance. Not your typical rose or as some people call it "old lady" rose scent. Briar Rose uses a supporting cast of black raspberry and green apple in the opening presentation of the fragrance, but once it matures on your skin it introduces it's wild and dark side by pulling out the cinnamon bark, clove and cardamom. Then as the base emerges the patchouli, violet and vanilla take charge making this nothing like what grandma used to wear and everything like what a youthful and wild young (or young at heart) woman would spray on before getting into some cheeky mischief! As a lover of true floral rose scents, this is one that people will be surprised by how NOT old time-y rose it actually is.

Poet’s Jasmine (Jasminum officinale) Citrus and Herbal
This fragrance is inspired by Poet’s Jasmine tea. It is not a tea scent, however, but the jasmine combined with fresh citrus burst upon the first spray. As the fragrance starts to settle down on your skin, you can detect the warm spices of star anise, rosemary, absinthe, frankincense, and cardamom. This provides a black licorice tone to the body of the fragrance. The hinoki wood and guaiac woods are the base and evident when the fragrance has dried down, but subtle whiffs of jasmine are always there throughout the entire experience. This is a very green and leafy scent with a mixture of licorice. It's quite refreshing.


Scarlet Larkspur (Delphinium cardinale) Floral Oriental
I read the word "oriental" and immediately thought I would dislike this fragrance. Other Orientals I have experienced like Guerlain Shalimar and Estee Lauder Youth Dew make me almost gag. But it's the FLORAL before the oriental that makes the Scarlet Larkspur my second favorite scent in this collection. The fragrance opens with a bright and fruity blood orange and red currant. Then the notes of red cherry and claret wine arrive on the scene. Next thing you know the traditional Oriental notes of nutmeg, saffron and amyris wood evolve and the tonka bean and vanilla help smooth the scent out, so it is not so sharp as "Florientals" tend to be. This is a creamy delicious dessert on your skin.

Sweet William (Dianthus barbatus) Woody and Sweet
Woody and sweet at the same time? Yes. Ineke has found a way to do it. Sweet William opens with a peach schnapps note which introduces the spicy Sweet William floral accord. Then the cinnamon, clove and cumin essential oils warm the overall experience of this fragrance. The base of wood notes are a blend of cedar wood and sandalwood mixed with patchouli. As sharp as some of those notes can be, the Bourbon vanilla note softens it all making this quite a deliciously masculine yet feminine fragrance. I think this could work on a man or a woman or on a woman that prefers those more traditionally masculine notes in a fragrance.

The Ineke Scent Library retails for a mere $22 USD. It includes five 2.5ml/0.14 fl oz sprays. That's a pretty generous size for a sample. AND when you purchase it from the Ineke website you can use the $22 as a credit towards a full size bottle of one of the fragrances included in the Scent Library!! This would make a great gift for a friend that likes floral fragrances or someone you would like to introduce to fragrance as each one in the set has a corresponding library card describing the inspiration and notes of the fragrance.

I think I might purchase a full bottle of either Scarlet Larkspur or Angel’s Trumpet, but Poet’s Jasmine might win me over despite my dislike of star anise, the combination of green scents with the Star Anise make it palatable and inviting.

What say you? Are you tempted, sold or passing on this little gem?
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...