Tuesday, January 20, 2015

My Day On A Plate

When something goes viral on the interwebs, you better be sure that I will be there to participate in pounding that dead horse into the ground along with all the others.  The latest viral joke is apparently from an article published by the Telegraph a few days ago.  Kara Rosen is a founder of juice company called Plenish, The Telegraph published her "My day on a plate", which is apparently a regular feature?  Either way, the article went viral when it was retweeted by Anita Singh, who just happens to be a Telegraph editor. You can see Ms. Rosens stark and uber "healthy"diet in the photo below.  


click to enbiggen


Ms. Singh's sentiment is that Rosen needs to eat a Twix. She tweeted as such and that tweet resonated with people around the world.  Soon they were sharing their own "My Day On A Plate" articles.  So as to not be outdone, I have created my own. And it goes a little something like this:




Pink Sith
Despondent Beauty Blogger and Office Slave


My Day on a Plate

5:15am Hit snooze button on alarm, take a sip of room temp water, spilling some on pillow, go back to sleep.

5:24am Turn off obnoxious alarm, curse world for even having a 5:24am and get out of bed. Take another sip of room temp water and spill most of it on my shirt.

5:26am Brush teeth while ingesting small amounts of toothpaste and Listerine.

6:30am Make strong back tea with 2 Tru-via sweeteners and dash of half and half to bring with me to work. Prepare healthy lunch of quinoa salad with chickpeas and back beans, an orange and two bottles of water to bring with me to work along with healthy snacks for the ride home.

6:32am Leave lunch on kitchen counter along with tea.

6:45am Stop at bakery pick up extra black coffee with dash of milk, croissant, blueberry muffin, bear claw and chocolate chip cookie.

6:50am Finish off blueberry muffin and croissant while driving to work between guzzling coffee.

7:25am Eat crumbs off of my clothing before getting out of car. 

8:30am Eat bear claw at my desk while drinking cold coffee and going through emails from boss telling me that I suck as a human being.

9am Cry in the bathroom at work. Drink tears of despair.

10:45am Eat my feelings with the chocolate chip cookie, which I was saving for lunch.

11:50am Plan where I should buy lunch while crying at my desk.

11:51am Drink in my salty tears of disheartenment.

12:45pm Grab a day old sandwich and two mini bags of chips from canteen in basement of office building.

1:00pm Buy a Diet Mountain Dew and lose more of my self-respect while I purchase a snickers from the vending machine.

3:00pm Crash from sugar and caffeine high. Purchase second Diet Mountain Dew and a Twix.

4:30pm Cry in car on the ride home while eating an Arby’s XL Roast Beef Sandwich with extra Horsey Sauce.

5:00pm Eat a half bag of Cheetos with son while watching Cartoon Network.

7pm Eat chicken nuggets son didn't eat before putting plate in sink.

7:30pm When my son is in bed I start on my dinner: Lucky Charms Cereal with Almond Milk and other half bag of Cheetos while watching a marathon of Caprica on Netflix.

10pm Raw cookie dough from fridge while contemplating homelessness over working for oppressive douchecanoe boss.

11pm Cry self to sleep while sipping room temp water that I spill on pillow.

Now I personally do not judge Ms. Rosen for her diet. I think she needs more calories and protein in her daily meal. But If that's what keeps her going, so be it.  I personally think a message needs to be given that eating like Ms. Rosen every day has the potential to be unhealthy for you in the long run. My "Diet" is satirical and should not be followed by anyone, ever.

You can read more satirical diets here from the Someecards Happy Place website.



11 comments:

  1. Love your day on a plate! Wait, I'm laughing with you, not at you, you know that right? :D

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  2. Can't comment. too busy drinking (nay, bathing) in tears of mirth :-D

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  3. Love your diet, I have a tendency to pack a healthy lunch, and then skip eating it because some is on a pizza/burger run at work. Who wants spinach and beet salad when you can have pizza

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  4. Boo! I hope you get a new boss and soon. Miss you around here!

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  5. My daily on a plate will require 2 sheets of paper. Sigh.
    I should probably eat more like Ms. Rosen. But scrambled egg whites and green tea sounds even worse than hospital food. *shudders*

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  6. Love this! I'm still wiping tears away from laughing so hard. Thank you for the funny post!

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  7. If you consider that many so-called 'high end' foundations cost $50+ for 1/2 to 1 ounce, the price on this product isn't that bad. Especially when you consider the individual ingredients. Personally, I'd buy this.

    A fairly cheap product I tried, which I ended up loving & didn't expect to, is Physician's Formula Organic Wear tinted moisturizer. I personally hate silicone based products & was having a turd of a time finding ANYTHING without the crap in it. This product is incredibly light in texture, contains essential oils rather than chemical/synthetic fragrances & blends into the skin absolutely effortlessly. It's a lovely product that can be worn alone, under powder products & under regular foundations which doesn't accentuate pores or sink into fine lines. And I've found it to be totally non irritating to my oily, acne prone skin.

    FYI zinc oxide quickly heals skin & reduces inflammation, which is another ingredient that very likely made your irritated skin feel better after application of this product. Many people think it's only used for its sun blocking properties. Buy some pure aloe juice from the health food store & mix it with water soluble zinc oxide. Use it as a night time healing treatment when your skin is feeling painful & red. You'll find it works very quickly & also prevents acne scars.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The talk of chia seeds and rice cakes (because she likes carbs-*rolls eyes*) and just a drop of apple-cider vinegar made me cry. Gosh what miserable food to eat. I would be constantly hungry, angry and inhaling cupcakes if I tried that minimalist way of eating.
    I didn't know you could eat argan oil. hm. lol

    ReplyDelete

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