Tuesday, February 10, 2015

You don't NEED A Valentine on Valentine's Day



Shortly before I met Mr. Sith the only other time I actually had a boyfriend during Valentine's Day was when I was in 11th grade.  After that I was terminally single on that "Special" day.  I hated Valentine's Day.  I would say, "Why can't you tell someone you love them every day and not wait until February 14th?" or "This is a Hallmark Holiday! It's meaningless." or "F*CK Valentine's Day!"  But deep down inside I was sad.  REALLY sad. The sad that your heart actually aches. I would be so low on Valentine's day I would hole up in my dorm or apartment and cry and cry and cry. I'm not afraid to admit that I bought into the societal pressure that one must have a partner in life and one must especially have a partner on Valentine's Day. But the year before I met Mr. Sith I had an epiphany. 

You don't need a Valentine on Valentines day...or any day, for that matter.

Oh there are thousands of self help articles out there that say "You have to love yourself before anyone else will love you back." I call BS on that. I didn't completely love myself when I met Mr. Sith. But he taught me that even with my flaws I was lovable.  So I am here to tell you that:

a) You don't need a valentine on Valentine's Day
and
b) You don't need to love yourself before someone will love you back. You just need to be open to the concept that you are lovable with or without all of your perceived flaws.

Companionship is awesome, but don't get down because you haven't found the right one.   As my friend Oz Longworth wrote:

"You matter. You have value. Not because someone thinks you're sexy or sends overpriced shit to your job. You have value because you're here on this earth when a lot of people didn't make it. These days, when there's something around every other corner that could kill you, I'd say that's a pretty big deal."  -  Oz Longworth - Contributing writer to Black Nerd Problems and virtual friend

If your goal is to meet someone and love them so much that they have the benefit of all you have to give, then cool. But just because you don't have that right now doesn't mean you need to feel down, just be the love of your OWN life until you meet that special someone...or not.

OK. But if you want tome single lady tips for getting though Valentine's Day without a valentine, here are a few suggestions:



Valentine's Day Gifts:
You have been bombarded with ads for crappy jewelry, flowers and candy since early January. It's been practically driven into your skull that you MUST HAVE ALL THE THINGS in order to be happy on Valentine's day. 
NOT TRUE!
If you are motivated by candy and jewelry, that's OK. Go buy it for yourself.  You don't need someone to buy it for you. If you like Godiva, well march into the Godiva store and order a one pound box.  The sales clerk cares not who you are buying it FOR, they are just happy to have a sale.  If you like that "he went to Jared", why wait for this imaginary "He" to go. Drive yourself there and pick out something nice for yourself.  You deserve it.  Know why?  Because YOU DO!

Valentine's Day Dinner
What do you do the "big night" where annoying couples are making lovey dovey eyes at each other over an expensive meal?  Ignore them.  Choose one of your favorite places that allows for take out, (I do not recommend getting a table for one on Valentine's Day unless you are a complete masochist.) and eat at home. No one is going to judge you for eating filet mignon in your yoga pants and ripped t-shirt.  And if they do...f*ck 'em. Do you really care what the delivery guy thinks of you? 


Valentine's Day Pampering
Why not pamper yourself.  It's a great time to do that hair mask, face mask and long soak using those Lush Bath Bombs you have been saving up. It's not like you couldn't do this any other day, but why not treat yourself, since you are now your own Valentine.

Valentine's Day Drinking
If you like to drink, open a good bottle of wine for yourself. Make silly girly drinks with whipped cream flavored vodka, indulge in a single malt scotch.  Heck. Go buy that pink champagne you have always wanted to try.  There are no rules that say you can't drink alone. And lest you buy into the lonely woman drinking red wine between tears streaming down her face, don't. It's BS. Drinking alone (not to excess) is perfectly fine. Why must everything be done in pairs?

Valentine's Day Entertainment
Speaking of streaming...Netflix, HULU, Amazon, whatever. Why not watch a marathon of Orange is the New Black, or catch up on Arrow?  Trust me when I say that half of those couples at the fancy schmancy dinner would rather being binge watching Breaking Bad.  Better yet, watch a fun movie like Simply Ballroom and start dancing around your apartment. No one cares, and if they do, f*ck 'em.

Sure it's easy for me to opine about this subject because I actually have a valentine, but I have lived years and years without one so I know the feeling. Don't be sad. Be glad that you are you and you're here on this planet and you have chocolate and Netflix. I know I am.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of my readers. I Love You!

20 comments:

  1. It probably becomes a tradition that I wait for and then comment on your V Day post every year. I have become such a homebody that I don't feel sad anymore while people are out celebrating the occasion, but it is still nice to read the post. Thanks for that, as always :)

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  2. That is one of the smartest thing I have read on this topic for YEARS. Thanks Elvira (I kind of needed it, too)

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  3. Hi did you have to add any magnetic stickers for the mug eye shadows to fit in the mac palette?

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  4. YES. I did have to add magnetic stickers. :-(

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  5. Go buy yourself something nice from Sephora...or Nordstrom. I will! lol Story - I was proposed to on Valentine's Day once. My first thought was, how cliche, the second, that I didn't really want to marry this guy. Talk about awkward situations. People put way too much pressure on this one day, just relax and enjoy the day if you're single or not.

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  6. Words to live by, Elvira! You always tell it like it is. And reading the comments here, I think you've drawn a club of like-minded ladies here. Like moth to a firefly?

    Have a good one over there!

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  12. I loved reading this! And I agree with everything.

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  13. So late in commenting, but if anyone ever looks: I've spent more money than anyone I know on almost every eye cream know to man & started using eye creams in my late teens. You get what you pay for, though genetically some people are luckier than others. Of course, it makes a big difference if you eat right; don't smoke; lightly drink, etc.


    Vaseline on the eyes? Idiotic unless you want to clog the ducts of your eyes; possibly needs surgery; create little bumps under the skin, and best case scenario-do nothing.


    Most major lines have their top end. I've tried almost all of them, and they haven't done much. I've also been using lots of samples of Sublimage; and now realize after applying eye cream of Estee L. & other high end creams (3-4x day), am going to have to spend the $ for the Sublimage. When used 2 x a day, it's the only thing that makes a huge difference in the way my eyes look.

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  14. Are they long wearing? :)
    xo,
    ~Pauline @ http://www.kallony.com.ph/brand/urban-decay

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