Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Stars Makeup Haven Lip Gloss in Jezebel - Review, Pictures, Swatches

Stars Makeup Haven Jezebel Lip Gloss
I know I review a lot of red lip products on this blog. But I just adore red lips.  I think they look sexy and sophisticated and add a special oomph to an otherwise dull day.  On days when it is grey and overcast,  I like to wear red lips to liven up my mood and the mood of those around me.  On days when it's sunny and bright, I like to wear red lips to add to the fun and sunshine-y day.  I guess I like to wear red lips all the time.  Humm. I wonder if I'm a red lip addict?  Nah. I can stop at any time. Why just the other day I wore a pink lip...of course I do have 6 red lip products in my purse at the moment....but that's neither here nor there. I'm not an addict.

Let's see, one, two, three, four, oh here is my Stars Makeup Haven red lip gloss in Jezebel.  When I received this blue red gloss I was sure it was going to be extremely sheer, so I threw it in my purse to use when a red lip needs a little shine.  What I didn't realize is that the red gloss from Stars Makeup Haven was so pigmented and opaque.  I remember it like it was yesterday......

Slow dissolve to a scene with Pink Sith sitting in a darkened room with one light shining from above. She is sitting at a steel table with a very stern looking guard by the door.  The contents of her purse are laid out on the table.

Enter two Detectives, one male, one female.

Female Detective:
You know why you're in here, right?

Me:
Actually No. I was just minding my own business when all of a sudden you jump out of nowhere and flash some plastic badge claiming you're the "Fashion Police" and you literally kidnap me off the street with your male friend that closely resembles a Neanderthal.

Make Detective:
Hey!...

Female Detective:
We have found you in possession of not one, but 6 different red lip products at the same time.  Do you know the street value of that stuff?

Me:
Um. Nothing, because it's all been used. No one buys used lipstick and gloss!  What the fu....

Male Detective:
That's neither here nor there. We know you are a dealer. I mean who carries that many red lip products with them is they aren't planning on distributing them.  Don't try to fool us!

Me:
Are you serious?  I don't even...

Female Detective:
This is VERY Serious Ms. Sith...if that is your real name.

Me:
Well actually it's....

Female Detective:
We looked at what you were "holding" and it's horrific.  One Givenchy Red Lipstick, One Guerlain Liquid Lipstick, TWO Nars Red lipsticks, one pencil, one tube.  One Make Up For Ever Red Lipstick, and then I guess you couldn't afford your "habit" any more, you have this cheap-o Stars Makeup Haven Red lip gloss. (Turns to her male partner) They always start to slip after the 5th red lip product.

Male Detective:
Yep. (nods head knowingly)

Stars Makeup Haven Jezebel Lip Gloss

Me:
Excuse me but the Stars Makeup Haven lip gloss is not a cheap-o lip product.  Sure it only costs $8, but the quality is on par with more expensive glosses. In fact the formula, wear and look of this gloss is better than many MAC glosses I have owned and as nice as any NARS and Chanel gloss I have.

Male Detective:
Tell it to the judge, sister!  You're not going to sway us (motions to Female Detective with his big meaty thumb) Isn't that right...

Female Detective:
(Transfixed on the Stars Makeup Haven Lip Gloss in Jezebel)  Huh?  What? Oh Yeah. (Throws down gloss on table) You're red lipstick addled brain isn't going to help you here.

Me:
Red Lipstick Addled Brain?

Female Detective:
So just for curiosity sake, Is this Stars Makeup Haven Jezebel gloss sticky? Does it have a fragrance?

Me:
Ummm. No it's not sticky, and it has a very faint fragrance, but there is no flavor to it and once applied I don't even notice it.

Female Detective:
But it's sheer, right?

Male Detective:
What are you do.....

Me:
(Interrupting) No. Actually it's not sheer at all. I was surprised too. This is a heavily pigmented gloss that actually goes on quite opaque.  I used a little liner around my lip line and then applied the gloss with the sponge tip applicator. It gave a truly smooth application. Look, (opens gloss and swatches on my inner forearm) See how pigmented it is? A light swatch and a heavy swatch and you can barely tell the difference!


Female Detective:
Oh wow! That is pigmented. Is it hydrating?

Male Detective:
Seriously? We're supposed to be interrogating her, not swapping makeup tips!

Female Detective:
Sshhhh!

Me:
Actually it's made with tangerine essential oil to add volume and shine to lips.  I'm wearing it right now. See?  It's so glossy, and my lips have never felt better!

Female Detective:
Oh wow. It really is pretty!  I think I might need to get that, but I don't actually do red lips all that often. You know how it is (Rolls eyes and tilts head toward Neanderthal like Male Detective.)

Male Detective:
Hey!  I'm getting the Captain! (Walks out and slams door)

Female Detective:
I thought he would never leave!

Me:
Actually Stars Makeup Haven has 21 other shades of lip gloss to choose from. So if Red isn't your thing, they have nudes and pinks and plums and pretty much every color you could want!  You should check it out!  (Pulls out a phone to bring up the Stars Makeup Haven website on the browser) See? Here is their website. www.starsmakeuphaven.com.

The Male Detective storms into the interrogation room with his Captain.  The Captain is a woman, dressed in a smart pant suit with her hair pulled back in a neat bun. Her face is simple but has a brightness to it.  The brightness comes from the red lips she is sporting.

Male Detective:
See? I told you. It's like a freakin coffee klatch in here!

Captain:
Oh is that the Stars Makeup Haven Lip Gloss in Jezebel? I'm wearing it right now!  Don't you just love it?

Stars Makeup Haven Jezebel Lip Gloss

Me:
I sure do! And for only $8 for a generous tube, I can love a whole lot more colors from this brand!  So um...can you tell me why I'm here?

Female Detective:
Captain. I'm sorry. It was a mistake to bring her here. It's obvious she has done nothing wrong. All the red lip products found in her possession look to be for personal use, not distribution.

Male Detective:
Are you kidding me?  Captain, you have to do something. This Pink Sith woman is so obviously guilty!

Captain:
You're right. (Turning toward Male Detective) She is guilty.

A long silent pause falls over the room.

Captain:
Guilty of being FABULOUS!  Book Her!

Captain and Female Detective laugh as do I. The Male Detective turns and drags his knuckles on the floor as he walks away in a huff.

Freeze frame, roll credits and play outgoing theme music.

10 comments:

  1. Hahah you crack me up! Love this review/attempted arrest :)

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  2. Great review! Love the swatches..very impressive!

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  3. That is an awesome review!

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  4. This is really pretty. I might try it myself. Does it contain any of the following?
    Shea butter
    Coconut (oil, butter, etc.)
    Almond, apricot, cherry, plum, peach, or other stone fruit oils, fragrances or flavors
    Bee products (e.g., bees wax, cera alba, or honey)
    Cucumber
    Soy products (e.g., lecithin)

    Or maybe it would be easier to list the ingredients?

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  5. I love this post :) I really think you are one of the most clever and creative bloggers out there. I totally lost it at "They always start to slip after the 5th red lip product"!

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  6. OMG Love this. So creative. Keep it up.

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  7. You're just hilarious. That is all.

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  8. That was fantastic! You're creativity in reviews is so witty and unique, and always delivers all the details. You are amazing!!!

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